I am for the most part a positive, upbeat, happy person. Who, according to me, is super funny too. I enjoy laughing. I enjoy life. I have been told more than once that I’m too happy too early in the day and that I enjoy life a little too much. (insert hysterical laughter. How is that even possible?)
But….. I am no stranger to irritation, anger, impatience. That trio lives near the surface, and can be easily triggered if I’m not minding my own business. I’ve gone more in depth about that in other articles. In essence, daily meditation, mindfulness and focus, keep me feeling good. I haven’t always been the ray of sunshine I am now (well, most of the time I’m a ray of sunshine.)
So when I’m in a moment, and I’m irritated and frustrated and people are acting in ways that displease me and I’m feeling at the mercy of their actions. And in my case I’ve been whining about it to myself or a friend. It will hit me like a ton of bricks. “Shit! It’s all just a reflection of me.”
Then the conversation starts, with myself of course.
“No, that can’t be true….
I’m the clean one….
I’m the organized one….
I’m not the problem…..
(insert everything they are doing wrong and I am doing right)
… and so on and so on and so on.”
But the cold hard truth is staring me in the face…. I am the problem.
I am the problem for several reasons:
I’m the only person being affected by my attitude and displeasure.
I’m the only one that has control over how I respond and react.
I’m expecting other people to behave in a way that makes me feel good instead of just feeling good.
That list could go on, but I think you get my point. I’m responsible for myself. And any time I hand that responsibility over to another person, well, it all goes to shit and they just start reflecting back to me what's going on inside of me.
How so? You might be asking. I operate from a few simple premises (ok, well I try to most of the time). One being, my external world is an expression of my internal world. If I don’t have the emotion, thought, feeling inside of me then I won’t be able to experience it outside of me. This is basic Law of Attraction. Whatever frequency you are vibrating at you are attracting.
A common misconception is that it’s bad to operate at a “lower” frequency. But the truth is it’s those moments in the lower frequencies that give us the desire to expand beyond it. I like to say we want to live in the higher frequencies and vacation in the lower ones. Life would be boring if we didn’t have the variety. And since we are multifaceted beings with a range of emotions & frequencies, it’s a given that we will be on different levels at different times. And that’s ok. I’ve found once we’ve given ourselves permission to feel ok, even comfortable with our “lower” vibe emotions like anger, fear, despair, guilt, shame, we can see them as the catalyst they are and move through them more swiftly.
So back to that external world being a reflection of your internal world thing. You see. If you only experienced love within yourself 24/7 that’s all you’d see and experience in the world (think Jesus, Mother Teresa #loveher!). But thank goodness you are a human being with a range of emotions and experiences, so you will experience (insert emotion) inside and out.
A good general example is, if you are feeling victimized, unappreciated or anywhere in that range, you are going to attract people and experiences at that frequency. How you are feeling will be reflected i.e. manifested/created in your external experience. Think about the most confident, upbeat person you know. I’m talking true confidence, not false bravado. They attract people and experiences that pave the way for their experience of success, happiness and joy. Now, think of the most negative person you know, and all the black clouds, bad experiences, drama filled experiences they have. It’s way easier to think of someone else than yourself, isn’t it? But at some point you will have to take personal responsibility for your experience to shift it. So I’ll share a personal example.
My most recent bout of “Oh shit! It’s all just a reflection of me…” was about keeping the house clean and others picking up after themselves. This is where minding my own business and choosing to feel good comes into play. Remember that as the list of reasons why they are wrong and I am right start to run through your head. I have to choose to mind my own business, feel good and only be concerned about what I’m doing. And like magic it will all shift.
In short, I was feeling like I was the only one picking up and trying to keep the house clean. Dishes on the table, wrappers all over, clothes on the floor, general everything, everywhere and neglected chores. I let my irritation grow and only focused on what I perceived to be wrong. The more I got irritated, the sloppier they seemed to become. (External reflection of internal thoughts.) And they in turn became irritated with me. So at the end of the week, my boyfriend finally asked what was wrong. After I unleashed my unhappiness on him, he pointed out several positive things I had missed. That’s when it hit me. Well that, and the pile of clothes I had on the floor, the mess on my desk and my realization that I was irritated with myself that I had piled too much onto my plate and couldn’t get it all done.
Yes, everyone should pick up after themselves. And within a day of me shifting my attitude and perspective. Cleaning up my own space and thinning out my schedule for the next week, not only did a wave of relief hit me, but within 24 hours, like magic, everyone was picking up after themselves and doing their chores without asking.
So let’s break this down, why I was the problem.
I’m the only person being affected by my attitude and displeasure. I was the only one that the mess was bothering. It literally doesn’t bother the guys. It’s my problem because it bothers me. I was letting it get to me by hyperfocusing on it.
I’m the only one that has control over how I respond and react. I’m the only one who can choose to focus on the mess and keep freaking out or focus on something else. Or I can even choose to look at the mess and learn to be ok with it. It’s my choice.
I’m expecting other people to behave in a way that makes me feel good instead of just feeling good. As I said. The mess doesn’t bother them. My idea of clean and theirs are two different things. If I want to feel good, then I just need to pick up the mess if I can’t get over it. It’s really that simple. I’m responsible for creating the environment that makes me feel good. And contrary to popular belief, it starts by creating the internal environment that allows you to live in the external environment. If I’m happy inside, a Capri Sun wrapper won’t be my downfall.
Which brings me to the initial feeling of irritation that started it all. I was irritated with myself for not keeping up my space and over booking myself. I was having time shortage consciousness, that prevented me from just picking up my space so I could feel at ease. Had I not had this energy within me first I would not have been able to experience it outside of myself. Yes, the variables would’ve been the same. The mess, the not cleaning up, etc. but the way it unfolded and my experience of it would have been different. How do I know? There are many days that I can just see right past the mess, and focus on what looks good to me and makes me happy, all my beautiful house plants. And in addition to that, there are days when without a word, the dishes are put in the sink and the chores are done. And do you know what’s different about those days? In the moment when I think wtf?!, I take the opportunity to shift my focus from what I don’t like to what I do like. And my internal harmony is expressed outwardly.
It really is a very simple premise. Is it easy? No, not at first. Eventually, though, it becomes second nature, for a while at least, until I forget, lol. And when I make the conscious decision to focus on the shit, I soon recognize the opportunity to shift that it is offering me. Because as Abraham Hicks says “when you know what you don’t want, you know what you do want.” And nothing like a crap, annoying situation to really give you clarity. After all, that’s what this 3D contrast world is all about, creating based on contrast.
So if you find yourself brough to the brink of insanity by a Capri Sun wrapper, I hope this article helps you find your way back. Kisses!
Liza Jane Wolf