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Are you stuck in a cycle of over committing?

Uncategorized Aug 13, 2020

The holiday season is usually the time of year when overwhelm shows up for most of us. But truth be told, as intuitive, sensitive women have been trained to match everyone else’s energy and ignore our own, and because of this, overwhelm rears its head all year long. 

So many of us have a tendency to over commit. And what I find is that we get stuck in a cycle of over committing that actually leaves us little, or in some cases, no time to give to ourselves, to nourish ourselves, to refuel ourselves, let alone create and participate in our lives. 


We often desire a spiritual practice that really allows us to connect deeply to our soul and live from our soul inspired guidance, to live our soul inspired life. But we don’t feel like we have time for it. Even when we know it will give us more time in the long run. Even when we know it will help us show up as our best selves.


We are expressions of source substance, our soul is expressed into this human form so that we can live in alignment with and rejoice fully as soul inspired beings. And when we have that tendency to overcommit and get stuck in that cycle, we rob ourselves of not just time to pamper ourselves, but time to really nourish ourselves on a deep soul level.


When I originally wrote this, we had just passed Thanksgiving and were moving into the holidays. I had been talking to dozens of women and kept hearing, “Oh my gosh, thank God that's over. I don't know how I made it through.” And that was before Christmas time and all of the parties. And that time of year we don’t honor ourselves as much and we let it slide, because it's beautiful to give to other people. That's one of our deepest, most pure motivations, right? That's why we get stuck in the cycle of over committing because we have a deep desire to help others. And especially if we're intuitive and we feel energy, we can feel often where they're lacking something and we want to help them heal that. Or we want to help them feel whole. But if we are not committing time to our own spiritual practice, if we're not nourishing ourselves, if we're not creating a sacred space for ourselves to connect with our soul, then we are not coming from a whole place. We are not showing others how to love and nourish and heal themselves. 


So as I said, I had originally written this during the holidays, but then months went by and I kept hearing the same thing. Women didn’t have enough time to nurture and nourish themselves. They were unfulfilled so they couldn’t show up and be who they are. Who they wanted to be. 


We give ourselves permission to make it through the holiday season being overwhelmed. But through another year, hell through another week, ignoring yourself, ignoring your soul, ignoring your spiritual connection, ignoring your spiritual practice? That is not sustainable. It's so easy for us as intuitive women to put ourselves on the back burner, to put those, really life giving activities of our spiritual practice, those life giving activities of our own personal nourishment, on the back burner. It's so easy for us to put them on the back burner and forget that in order for us to be the love we wish to see in the world, we need to create time. We need to make time. We need to choose time… for ourselves. 

Because the truth is we can’t really do anything for anyone else, except to show them what unconditional, self love looks like by role modeling it for them, by living it ourselves. We can’t make other people's choices or fix their situations, but we can show them what it looks like to love ourselves into alignment. Because when we are in alignment with ourselves, our soul and Source, we radiate an energy that serves people more than any words we could say or actions we could take. 


I’ve had hundreds of coaching calls where I find myself reminding the women that I'm coaching, that  their wisdom, their guidance, their soul inspired information is first and foremost for them. This is how we live their best life, release overwhelm and show up 100% for the people we love. 


We are always stuck in this mode of how can I give more? How can I give more? How can I give more? And we forget that we should be counted among those who we are giving to. If we are just using ourselves as a vessel to receive so that we can give, then we're not actually receiving because we are receiving information with the intention to immediately give it to other people. And we are not receiving that wisdom of source for ourselves to enrich our lives. We are not receiving that inspiration of our soul. We are not receiving that love for ourselves. And that overcommitment definitely comes from that desire to really be of service. Right? We tell everybody that we're going to do everything for them because we have a deep desire to be of service because we have a deep desire to help people. But honestly, if we are not refueling ourselves, if we're not loving ourselves, then we do not have a healthy connection to our soul and source. And what happens is we start to run on empty and as we're over-committing, we have less and less and less to give. And we always end up at the back of the line, right? So we want to really help people. But if you're the 10th person that I've committed to doing something too, I'm not giving you a hundred percent, right?

So are we of more service, do we help more people, do we fulfill more needs when we help 10 people at 10%?  Or when we help one person at a hundred percent, starting with ourselves. And if we can help ourselves, if we can dedicate time to ourselves, if we can commit to ourselves and our spiritual practice and deepen that connection to our soul and source, then we have that energy to not just help one person, but to help 10 people or more, by role modeling what self love and alignment with Source is. By radiating our high vibration energy out so they are compelled to call forth that love vibration in themselves. So when you can help yourself first through your spiritual connection, then you are filled with the juicy love of your soul. Then you are filled with the juicy level of source that allows you to go out into the world and help people in a very, very huge, huge way.

Even if it's just taking them to the grocery store or meeting them for coffee, you are radiating the energy of a loving Source that impacts them. Life changing giving can happen in the smallest moments. But if we're feeling empty and we're feeling disconnected, if we are not accustomed to filling our cup to overflowing so that we have what we need, and then we're giving to others, then we're really just running on empty. And we're stuck in a vicious cycle of over committing, of helping people from a place of really nothing. If we have nothing within us, what are we giving to the people that we love, right? So to truly be able to meet that need within us, to serve others, we have to commit to ourselves. We have to reign in our overcommitment. We have to make time for ourselves because we really are ineffective, right? We have this desire. We want to fulfill this need within ourselves. We want to be a service to others and love them, but we've become ineffective. And what we're essentially giving to people is our tiredness, our low vibe energy.  We're giving to people that space within us, that really is empty.

Are you wanting to give people abundant love, or are you wanting to give people this empty space within you that you don't even think is worthy of your time to carve out 15 or 20 minutes for a meditation? It's easy for us to think that we're being selfish, but when we count ourselves among those who we help and we help one person first, that person being ourselves, then we are able to go into the world from a place of abundant energy. From a place of abundant love. And a place of abundance of connection. We are able to then help everyone who is ready to be helped by us, by our mere presence, by the mere living of our lives. We are then able to fulfill that need, that desire. We want to be of service in the world, right? 


If you're stuck in a cycle of over committing, but you know that you really want to have some time for yourself to be  nourished and refuel, there are a couple of things you can do.

  • First make one single commitment to yourself that you can keep. My favorite easy commitment is the Five. This is a beautiful commitment to yourself. Five deep breaths, five times a day. It only takes you a couple of minutes a day, but it’s so powerful. Commit to something small so that you can keep that commitment. A lot of times when we want to commit to ourselves and we overcommit. We tell ourselves things like I'm going to take all of Saturday morning and do all these things, when you only have 20 minutes on Saturday morning. So pick something that fits in the time that you have. Set yourself up for success. This is what I teach my clients all the time, set yourself up for success, commit to something that you can actually show up for. And then give the best of you by being the best you. Download the Five PDF here.  or Watch a video about the Five here.
  • Second, when you are making a commitment to somebody, ask yourself, am I really giving this person the best of me when I'm telling them that I can show up for this? And if the answer is no, then say those nasty two little letters, N-O, they really aren’t that bad. It makes us nervous to even think about saying no to somebody. Doesn't it. But really when we start to think about it, we can ask ourselves, am I just trying to make you happy but not actually giving the best of myself, or am I giving the best of myself and because of that we are both happy? Often we will find we are really giving the burnout version of ourselves. We can choose to give the best version of ourselves or the burnout version. This is where a practice of non judgement towards self comes in handy . When we really want to show up for someone and give the best possible version of ourselves, we can choose to do that.. We can do it another time, or maybe even realize that we are not the person to help them. Maybe there's somebody else who you can really show up better for this person and oftentimes that person ends up being themselves. And because you’ve been role modeling that they can do it.


If we really want to be of service, if we really want to help, we really have to be honest with ourselves. We have to ask ourselves, am I giving these people the best of myself or my burnt-out worn down and barely able to keep my head above water self? When I'm saying, yes, I'll do the bake sale. And I'll cook five dozen cookies, and then I’m cooking those cookies totally depleted, that’s the energy I’m passing on.. I’m not really baking them from the love aligned state I want to be. I’m probably baking them with resentment or irritation or guilt. That is the energy I am sharing. Your mind is often saying, what the hell was I thinking, why did I sign up this? And when you show up to that event, you're not there full of abundance and joy. You're going, Oh my God, how am I going to make it through this? So when you really start to get honest with yourself, and ask, am I really giving the best of myself to people? If you're committing to yourself, if you're nourishing yourself, if you're finding that space within to connect with your soul and bring that love and inspiration of your soul out into what you're doing.Then you can honestly say you are being of service to people. If you are not committing to yourself, but instead to  everyone else, if you are tired, if you are burnt out, if you are lacking in self love and self care, then you are not giving the best of yourself to people and you are not serving them in the way that makes you feel whole and abundant. How can you tell? Because if you were, you wouldn't be over committing in that way. I used to be a huge over committer. I said yes to everybody. I didn't even think no, I was dyslexic about the word. No was on for me. Yeah, I’m on it. I didn't know how to say no. I'd say... Let me do it. How can I do it for you? And now from a place of deep soul connection. I totally get that, the people I say no to, I'm actually doing them a service because I'm giving them the opportunity to go out and find the person that can either be of service to them or allow them to show up for themselves.


So if you are stuck in the cycle of over committing, if you know that you cannot go another week, another month, another holiday season, putting yourself last. If you know that you want to show up and give the best of yourself to people that you just aren't sure how to do that, then start by making one small change today. Transformation happens through small shifts. Day by day. Say no to one person, or better yet, say yes to yourself for one small thing. And build from there. 


From my soul  to yours, 

Liza Jane Wolf


Don't know where to start in choosing your own well being? Check out my How to LOVE Yourself Up Guide, for lots of little tips and tricks you can easily incorporate. Get it FREE here:


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